And now, to try again...

So our evaluations did not go well.  We spent lots of money ($580 cash!) and time (2 1/2 hours in the office + 2 hours in the car) for a very unsatisfied feeling.
The doctor was a semi-retired man in his 70's.  I only mention this because it explains a lot if you know about the history of Asperger's Syndrome.  While AS was "discovered," in 1944, it has only been included as a formal diagnosis since 1994!  Since he has been practicing for almost 50 years, it isn't something he would have learned about at med school.  Of course, he is familiar with it.  This doctor just doesn't believe in labeling anyone.  His reasoning is that once parents get a label, they stop trying to fix the problems.  Perhaps some parents do.  We don't.  We know that a label won't solve anything in an instant. 
Here is what a label gets us:

• Access to support groups for the kids 
• Access to therapy programs that require a specific diagnosis in order to participate
• A classroom aide, paid for by the state government
• A specialized education program for each boy
• Passes for the library for lunch and recess time (in order to escape the playground drama)

Believe me, I am not a huge fan of labels either.  It would be great if society was able to accept my children for who they are and not for who they aren't.  And I wouldn't be pushing for a label if I didn't feel it was needed.  All you need to do is spend 10 minutes with my kids when they are around other kids.  You can see how much they are not like a "typical" kid.  My kids actually do fairly well around adults and don't tend to get anxious.  Their anxiety and excitement of being around other kids causes them to act out.  I need help so that I can teach them how to respond better and control their actions better.

The doctor we saw would just prefer to medicate Joe and do nothing for Tom.  While my children do have similar issues socially, the way that they behave and act is different.  The more I read about Asperger's, the more I am convinced that they both have it. 

In case you are wondering, as of now, Sam is not showing many AS signs.  He does talk in a very loud voice and does not recognize personal space.  However, we think that they may be learned behaviors from being around Joe and Tom rather than AS problems. Though I worry about it a lot. 

Jay struggles with this a lot as well.  In all likelihood, Jay has AS as well.  The same problems that Joe is going through now, Jay went through when he was a child.  The problems that plague married couples that have one AS partner plague us as well.  Jay accepts that he has AS, to the point of saying "is there any doubt?"  I doubt that he would ever go for a formal diagnosis though.  It's not needed.