Facing Facts

One of my biggest character flaws is that I hate to face facts or reality.  I much prefer to bury my head in the sand and just keep plugging along. 

After multiple weeks of requests from Tom's teacher, I finally scheduled some much needed doctor appointments.  Tom's teacher is quite sure that he has Asperger's Syndrome.  Of course, this is nothing new to us as we've thought that about Joe for years.  It's just hard for me to admit that I may have two children with it. 

So the first step is to get a referral from our general practitioner.  He visited with Joe and Tom for about 20 minutes each, taking care to talk to the child and not to me.  He wrote referrals for the specialist for both boys, which wasn't much of a surprise. 

For Joe, it is difficulties with co-operation, socialisation, oppositional behaviours, and poor impulse control.  The doctor suspects Asperger's Syndrome and/or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  Joe's teacher has given us a list of problematic behaviours for Joe:

• constant arguing with classmates
• constant arguing with teacher about work to be done
• refusal to do work in class if he doesn't fee like it
• problems with outbursts and crying
• poor ability to make friends
• annoys other classmates to the point that Joe is bullied
• refusal to take responsibility for actions
• often lashes out at other students over very minor issues
• does not understand concept of personal space

For Tom, it is difficulties with aggression, poor impulse control, bullying, and poor social skills.  He also has problems with depressive thoughts.  The doctor suspects Asperger's Syndrome and possible depression.  Tom's teacher has written a letter saying that he has problems in the following areas:

• continual touching, kicking, hitting and generally annoying other students
• often cries or becomes distressed when he does not "get a turn," even if many others have not had a turn
• very rough play, often hurting others
• continued disruption to others in the classroom including regular calling out and noise making
• does not read body language or facial expressions of other children to know that he is annoying them
• other children have noticed that Tom is different and do not want to play with him.  
• often speaks very loudly and forcefully

 We visit the specialist on Wednesday for evaluations.  I am not sure what will come of it, but I have a feeling that we have at least two boys with Asperger's Syndrome.  Of course, I feel like I have let down the boys a bit.  We tried for a bit in the States to get Joe evaluated for it.  His doctor has been saying since age 4 that he probably has it.  The problem was that every time we tried to get him evaluated, we were told to wait until he was older.  Now, everyone is asking why we waited so long!
I met with a local support group for the first time this week.  Through a friend, I'd met a mom that is in a similar situation.  She told me about the group that meets once a month.  Unfortunately, it was on a day when Sam was home so I couldn't stay very long at the group.  Next month I will get a sitter for Sammy.  It was nice just to feel like I am not alone in the world with this issue.